why this exists

This episode is about starting small on purpose.

About choosing art over relevance.

About putting something in your bio before it has traction.

About learning a new tool and using it anyway.

Two followers. A microphone. And a writer figuring it out in public.

This is Notes.

hosted by Kathy Patalsky

healthyhappylife.com

IG: KathyPatalsky + notes.kathy

Transcript

The little girl who didn't raise her hand in class now has a microphone on her desk. That's not nothing. "

 You are listening to Notes with Kathy Patalsky

Today, I talk about launching this podcast. Why I did it, what it means, and what the heck it is.

why this exists.

This podcast right now, on my Instagram account has two followers. I think it last check, and I put a link in my personal bio anyways. Which feels bold, or calm, or maybe just honest. I haven't promoted it. The only person that knows that it exists is my daughter, and those two followers.

 Though it's hard for me to imagine: you, you're listening right now, so I guess, you know it exists.

 I realized I needed to say this once so I can move on.

I can feel the question hovering, what is this? Who is it for? Why is she not like promoting this? Why is she just doing it?

And it's because it's art, it's writing. I am a writer at heart. It is my favorite thing to craft stories, create scenes. It's the reason why I spent an entire year of my life in a random screenwriting program.

I just love it. Yes, I could totally lean into more breaking news, pop culture, whatever story is trending today, so I can anchor it in something relevant, trending.

But I don't wanna chase trends or attach myself to whatever's happening so it feels safer. I don't wanna be a host, I wanna be a writer. I wanna make episodes about my daughter's pet fly, about doing the dishes, about Britney Spears, about grief, about being socially awkward. That's not strategy. That's literally just how my brain works.

I've built big things before. I've felt the noise of the internet. When it's loud, I've posted something and watched it travel instantly. Watch the likes, stack the comments, pour in, from all over the globe. That kind of scale does something to your nervous system. It's exciting, it feels good. But this is different. Two followers. Two followers is very quiet when you've experienced noise. But here's what I also know. The internet moves in cycles.

Platforms rise, algorithms shift. New creators come in, generations change the tone. You either evolve or yeah, you die. And I don't wanna die. I am forever a creator. I'm forever an artist. I can't get away from it.

So here I am learning something new. Starting small again on purpose, just for the fun of it. For self-expression, for learning new things, for diving deep and for creating something from nothing, which in my opinion is one of the hardest things you can do.

A couple years after my daughter was born, I bought all this podcasting equipment, this little road, with the colorful lights and little things you go up and down with, clearly. I'm an expert. This lovely microphone, this camera, I love it. It's called an opal. Real microphone, real setup, and for years it sat on my desk.

I would look at it, I would play around with it, move it, figure out if I wanted today to start it.

Now without really thinking about it, I know how to use it. That's pride. I have a workflow. I have a thought. I write about it. I talk about it, I record it. I put it into a format where then I edit it and publish it. I know what I'm doing.

I haven't outsourced anything. I might be a bit of a control freak, but I like to learn it all. I like to know the back end, front end and do it all myself. That strumming of the guitar at the very beginning, the opening that is literally me, holding my daughter's LOOG child guitar up to the microphone and like randomly pressing strings.

But I didn't wanna use someone else's music. I don't like to borrow things. I like to make everything. 

And you hear it all the time, but it's so true. You can't learn anything until you're doing it. You know nothing until you're actually playing the game.

If you're in the sidelines just watching, you know nothing, you don't know what it feels like.

I've been talking to people who follow my work, my recipes, my blog. I've been talking to all those people through text on the screen for 20 years, or writing in a cookbook, blogs, social media, recipes, essays, texts, texts, texts, sometimes YouTube, those random videos.

That was fun for a while. But being able to speak in long paragraphs like this, it's new for me.

The little girl who didn't raise her hand in class now has a microphone on her desk. That's not nothing. And now that I know how to do this, you guys watch out. I can make a podcast about just smoothies.

I can make a podcast about cats, about sitting in traffic in LA and overthinking everything or about absolutely nothing. Which might be what I'm doing right now, I don't really know, but I know that I'm doing it and that's all that matters, and I know that I love this format. There's something about it that's really fun.

It brings out the drama inside of me, the person who wants to speak out loud,

and I definitely don't have it all figured out yet. Definitely.

I'm dramatic sometimes. I almost delete episodes. I'm bad at promoting things I make constantly. I'm very good at overthinking, analyzing everything,

but I've been building things for 20 years. This isn't me flailing. It's me practicing in public, which is scary, and there's a difference.

At my core, I believe in finishing things. I finished this. I turned it into something that is something, and I'm continuing it. I'm letting it evolve, and I'm having fun. So this exists publicly. Even if it's small. If you find it, you find it. If you're listening to this now you found it. Congratulations.

What I'm really doing right now is I'm stretching my artistic muscle. This is the quiet part, the learning part. This is the part where I get better with every step. I think at last check there were two followers. Maybe there will be three tomorrow. Maybe there won't.

I'm proud i'm using the mic. I'm proud I didn't wait another five years and I'm proud that I learned something new. A tool, a skill.

And that's what I've always loved about the work that I do, the changing technology, the learning of new things. I remember when Twitter first came out, I had to learn how to craft a tweet, add a picture.

Post a video to YouTube. Figure out WordPress. I love learning new things in this industry.

You put your work somewhere in the public and somebody turns and says, well, what is this? What's the point? What does it mean and it's me speaking out loud,

About motherhood, culture, tiny moments that catch the light, and that's enough.


 This was Notes by Kathy Patalsky

For more, follow Kathy on Instagram or visit healthyhappylife.com